When the Worst Happened.
A year ago today was our 20-week ultrasound, when we found out Henry wouldn’t live. I knew something was wrong when the sonographer stopped chatting and took too long with each measurement. The ultrasound itself was blurrier than normal, and even with my untrained eye, I knew something wasn’t right with the baby we watched. Our technician couldn’t see the gender clearly, but said she was 75% sure it was a girl, handed us a couple photos, and left the room. I said a couple meaningless things to Bub as we waited for the doctor to come. When the white-haired,...
Henry
My alarm went off at 4:30 AM but I was already awake. I pushed myself up in bed slowly, holding my swollen belly as I eased my feet to the floor. The baby kicked. I sighed and sat there for a minute while she wiggled and pushed gently against my ribs. This was the day we were going to give her birth, and I wanted to savor every movement. Knowing I was about to spend the next 24 hours in tears, I still washed my face and applied mascara in a daze. Bub walked into the bathroom and we hugged but didn’t say a thing. I went back to our room to get my bag and wrestled, again,...
Who are you to end her?
I sat down to write about abortion. About the sick, twisted ideology that screams “equality!” while simultaneously fighting for the right to kill a human baby while he lives inside his mother… up until the very moment before he exits her womb. But I can’t. I don’t know what to say. It’s all been said. All the speeches that “CRUSH ABORTION” have been spoken and shared on Facebook, and no one cares. I saw a meme today crying out that “babies in the womb are ALIVE!” But they know that. No one cares. People love ____ more than people. I sit here with a baby...
Sweet Baby Moses
Awful. Laboring in the car is awful. Bub was as tender as he could be on our dirt road, but each little divot still felt like a cattle prod to my pelvis. Our Chevy rolled down 82nd with me in the reclined passenger seat surrounded by pillows. I was running on toast and Target snacks after laboring all night and early morning and though I was glad to be out of my house, I was already praying to be out of the car. I shoved a fruit leather into my mouth. Shoot, here comes another contraction…chew, swallow, and “Hooohhhhhh…” at least I was a pro at moaning by now. When we...
Brand-less Mom, Blogging Away
The unborn human child inside my belly is awake and galloping about. The born human child who is one and a half months shy of two years old is asleep in her room. I am sitting. This is nap time. Nap time is my time, and usually I do nothing more than sit. It’s my “indulgence” if you will, though I feel no guilt over it, nothing but thankfulness to have an hour or two of peace and rest. It is my favorite time of day. When I feel completely ok doing absolutely nothing. But this time is swiftly coming to an end, thanks to the galloping bundle of boy about to reach 39 weeks...
Be Still, When Nothing Else Is.
The other day I was having a rough afternoon with my toddler (though it honestly could have been today, we have those days often) and after her nap was an hour too short, I was desperate for some peace. Being an only child she doesn’t play by herself well at all, and her constant demand is either, “Up! Up!” or “Momma, sit down!” So, because I am close to six months pregnant and she is heavy, I try to sit down as much as possible. On this particular day I decided we would color. I handed Naomi some paper on the living room chest next to me and pulled out the markers....